You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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