Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
