By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How does one acquire holy water?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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