these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
