Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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