you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
