During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
