I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
