Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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