can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
