Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
