I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.