God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
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I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!