this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
