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you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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