Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
