I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
