he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
