That's intense
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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