What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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