I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
