It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
