My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
