"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
