We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
