I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
