just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
