Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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