i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
