my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
