Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
