So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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