I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
