Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
