There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My pussy is not your playground.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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