my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
