sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's shark week go big or go home
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
