If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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