my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
