so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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