I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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