the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
