Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
