I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is my gift to your gina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
