I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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