I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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