I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize