her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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