what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
