You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
