Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
