Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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