Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
