So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Couch. On fire.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
