So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
