I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
