I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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