there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
