Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
