i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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