I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
