i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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