Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
