quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
