last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
