i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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