Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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