This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
