it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
