There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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