Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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