i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
