I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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