i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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