So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
