he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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