did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
