oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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