so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
