Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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