Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
