I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
