why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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