You just made me feel so damn special
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
