I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
